[Hinata turns and immediately buries his face in her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her tightly. He doesn't want to cry again. Not in front of Hajime. But it hurts. It still hurts.]
I just... [his voice cracks and breaks, and he squeezes her more tightly.] What good are all my talents if I can't even save my friends?
[His voice comes out in a choked whisper as he keeps his face pressed against her shoulder, shaking his head. He understands what she's saying, and were their positions somehow reversed, he'd be saying the same thing, but right now... it's hard not to blame himself.]
I could have saved her, but I just stood there. A-and now, when we had a second chance, I--!
[Oops, he's crying. What a cool kid, this Hajime Hinata.]
Hajime. [ she reaches out. grabs his hand. squeezes it. ]
You did your best. You can't change the past, you know, so tearing yourself up like this isn't going to help anyone. It won't help you, or Komaeda-kun, or any of our friends who are still here and might go missing.
[ if he wasn't leaning against her, she'd probably kiss his forehead or something, but instead she just stays still. ]
It's okay to be sad and angry and let all your emotions out. But it's not your fault.
[He doesn't answer immediately, not trusting his voice. Instead he's just going to squeeze her hand and cry into her shoulder, like a Man. Except he's a Dangan, so he's absolutely getting snot on her shoulder, too, because they as a whole are messy gross criers. Sorry about that, Hajime.]
I should have done more, [he whispers finally against her shoulder, shaking his head as he sniffs back more tears.] I should... I need to keep looking. I need to- to find where they go. I let myself get distracted... I can't let that happen anymore.
Her and Souda and Tsumiki and Faize and-- everyone.
[ she does not care about the snot because, honestly, she has definitely had worse on her. ]
It's not going to work like that. [ someone else would probably have chosen to speak more softly while hinata is this upset, but hajime isn't one to really beat around the bush when she thinks someone's... wrong... sorry. ] You weren't distracted, you were living. And if you put all of you focus on this one thing all you're going to do is burn yourself out and then you won't be able to help anyone. Is that what you want to happen?
[Ugh. Ugh. It's exactly what he would be telling someone else. He wants to scream that it's different, because he's talented. Because he was able to save all his friends except the one who mattered to him most.
But he doesn't answer. He just keeps his face pressed against her shoulder and mutely shakes his head, biting back another sob.]
If I ever vanished like they did, I wouldn't want you to spend all your time looking for me. I'd be reeeeally angry if you did! It's okay to try to solve this mystery, but you are not alone. Don't act like you are, Number One.
[Reflexively, his grip tightens back on her hand at the mention of her disappearing. Right on the heels of losing Nanami, he can't bear to lose her, too.]
I know, [he mumbles against her shoulder, breath still coming hard through his nose as he works to swallow a fresh round of tears.] I... I know.
You're a very good friend and they're all very aware that you love them. But we all love you here too, and none of your friends would want to see you worry yourself sick.
[ her tone loses the edge it had, returning to its usual airiness. ]
[He still doesn't pull his face away from her shoulder, keeping himself pressed there as if somehow, he could make it all go away just by holding her. Irrationally, it almost seems possible. If he's with her, he can do anything.
[ missing them isn't an issue. it's healthy to actually acknowledge these kinds of feelings, she thinks. it's what you do after that could veer into unhealthy and that is what she's determined to keep hinata away from. ]
[He shakes his head. He doesn't know where to begin. Someone like Nanami... She's difficult to explain in just words.]
She... she deserved better than what happened. She was... she was the only person at Hope's Peak Academy who thought that I was worth something. Who didn't treat me like trash. She's... she's the one who brought the whole class together. Everyone relied on her, a-and when Enoshima killed her, it was her death that was used to drive them all into Despair.
Enoshima just used Nanami as... as a tool. A means to an end, to corrupt the 77th class. Because Nanami was... Nanami was someone you could really call "Hope."
She was my closest friend. And now I've lost her again.
[ hajime didn't really know her very well since they didn't have that much time to spend together, but she seemed sweet and nice to talk to. and hinata obviously loved her. ]
Maybe... temporarily misplaced. But we'll find her and everyone else.
[It's comforting, to think like that, but he just can't. How can they move toward a future when people like Nanami and Komaeda can show up from the past?]
You know... I was thinking for a while that maybe... it'd be best to think that everyone just... went home. The same way we got here, like something just picked us up with a giant claw machine and put us back. But now...?
[He buries his nose against her shoulder again, just hugging her tightly. It's hard not to think of everything that he should have been doing, all the time he's spent doing things other than investigating their missing friends. It doesn't matter how much he lectures Dirk and reminds him to do something besides work; it's different when it's about him.
But he has to try to remember that even for all his talents, he's still human. And he's definitely still fallible.
He exhales another sigh against her shoulder and murmurs something, too quiet to hear.]
she just rubs his back, not saying anything else until she hears the mumbling. hajime taps him lightly, not wanting to disturb him too much but also wanting his attention. ]
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I'm sorry. She was important.
[ not to say everyone else wasn't, but... he probably knows what she means. ]
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I just... [his voice cracks and breaks, and he squeezes her more tightly.] What good are all my talents if I can't even save my friends?
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[ she sounds a little sterner than she usually does. ]
I don't think anyone's talents can predict this right now. So we'll just keep trying until we can. All of us, and not just you.
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[His voice comes out in a choked whisper as he keeps his face pressed against her shoulder, shaking his head. He understands what she's saying, and were their positions somehow reversed, he'd be saying the same thing, but right now... it's hard not to blame himself.]
I could have saved her, but I just stood there. A-and now, when we had a second chance, I--!
[Oops, he's crying. What a cool kid, this Hajime Hinata.]
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You did your best. You can't change the past, you know, so tearing yourself up like this isn't going to help anyone. It won't help you, or Komaeda-kun, or any of our friends who are still here and might go missing.
[ if he wasn't leaning against her, she'd probably kiss his forehead or something, but instead she just stays still. ]
It's okay to be sad and angry and let all your emotions out. But it's not your fault.
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I should have done more, [he whispers finally against her shoulder, shaking his head as he sniffs back more tears.] I should... I need to keep looking. I need to- to find where they go. I let myself get distracted... I can't let that happen anymore.
Her and Souda and Tsumiki and Faize and-- everyone.
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It's not going to work like that. [ someone else would probably have chosen to speak more softly while hinata is this upset, but hajime isn't one to really beat around the bush when she thinks someone's... wrong... sorry. ] You weren't distracted, you were living. And if you put all of you focus on this one thing all you're going to do is burn yourself out and then you won't be able to help anyone. Is that what you want to happen?
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[Ugh. Ugh. It's exactly what he would be telling someone else. He wants to scream that it's different, because he's talented. Because he was able to save all his friends except the one who mattered to him most.
But he doesn't answer. He just keeps his face pressed against her shoulder and mutely shakes his head, biting back another sob.]
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[ she gives his hand another squeeze. ]
If I ever vanished like they did, I wouldn't want you to spend all your time looking for me. I'd be reeeeally angry if you did! It's okay to try to solve this mystery, but you are not alone. Don't act like you are, Number One.
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I know, [he mumbles against her shoulder, breath still coming hard through his nose as he works to swallow a fresh round of tears.] I... I know.
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[ her tone loses the edge it had, returning to its usual airiness. ]
We'll look into this together, okay?
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[He still doesn't pull his face away from her shoulder, keeping himself pressed there as if somehow, he could make it all go away just by holding her. Irrationally, it almost seems possible. If he's with her, he can do anything.
Finally, he just murmurs,]
I miss them, Hajime.
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[ missing them isn't an issue. it's healthy to actually acknowledge these kinds of feelings, she thinks. it's what you do after that could veer into unhealthy and that is what she's determined to keep hinata away from. ]
Tell me what you think about her.
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She... she deserved better than what happened. She was... she was the only person at Hope's Peak Academy who thought that I was worth something. Who didn't treat me like trash. She's... she's the one who brought the whole class together. Everyone relied on her, a-and when Enoshima killed her, it was her death that was used to drive them all into Despair.
Enoshima just used Nanami as... as a tool. A means to an end, to corrupt the 77th class. Because Nanami was... Nanami was someone you could really call "Hope."
She was my closest friend. And now I've lost her again.
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[ hajime didn't really know her very well since they didn't have that much time to spend together, but she seemed sweet and nice to talk to. and hinata obviously loved her. ]
Maybe... temporarily misplaced. But we'll find her and everyone else.
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[It's comforting, to think like that, but he just can't. How can they move toward a future when people like Nanami and Komaeda can show up from the past?]
You know... I was thinking for a while that maybe... it'd be best to think that everyone just... went home. The same way we got here, like something just picked us up with a giant claw machine and put us back. But now...?
If she goes back home, alone, she'll die.
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[ it's best to not assume that everyone would be happier where they came from, she thinks. ]
If we figure out how we got here then it might make finding out where everyone goes easier.
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[He buries his nose against her shoulder again, just hugging her tightly. It's hard not to think of everything that he should have been doing, all the time he's spent doing things other than investigating their missing friends. It doesn't matter how much he lectures Dirk and reminds him to do something besides work; it's different when it's about him.
But he has to try to remember that even for all his talents, he's still human. And he's definitely still fallible.
He exhales another sigh against her shoulder and murmurs something, too quiet to hear.]
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she just rubs his back, not saying anything else until she hears the mumbling. hajime taps him lightly, not wanting to disturb him too much but also wanting his attention. ]
What did you say just now?
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Can I... stay here with you, tonight?
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[ she does not sound like she, personally, minds though. hajime adds on, ] You can stay.
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[Honestly... honestly... he's tired of constantly tiptoeing around his classmate. It's exhausting, and now he can't ask Nanami to help deal with him.
He pulls back enough to give her a tired, grateful smile.]
Thanks, Number Two. I won't do anything weird, promise.
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[ especially not now, considering the circumstances. but she didn't think he would even if the situation at hand was lighter. ]
Where is he, by the way?
[ hajime assumes he would be upset too by nanami's disappearance. ]
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At the question about Komaeda, he frowns and sits back, checking his wrist communicator. He does have the other boy tracked, so...]
The library. I had to pick him up from Floater Island not too long ago, then... I needed some time to myself.
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Okay. [ hajime pats the bed. ]
You want to go back to sleep, Number One?
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